I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Randomize
