I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
