Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
