I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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