I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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