What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
