They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
