she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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