It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
