They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
