Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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