my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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