You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
