Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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