Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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