I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize