I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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