this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
