Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
