i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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