I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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