i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
