Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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