I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're like the curious george of whores
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
