id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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