If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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