My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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