words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
