I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
