I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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