Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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