eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
