so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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