Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
