i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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