Whod you bang
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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