Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
