I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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