Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize