dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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