I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
