FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
