So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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