1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
