; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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