So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
