he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
