I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
