I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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