I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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