drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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