True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
there is glitter all over my balls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
