You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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