Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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