I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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