u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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