High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
