I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
