Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
