I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
