It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
