Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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