hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
