how can u be prego again
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
time to smoke my breakfast
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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