UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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