He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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