If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
