shes about as inviting as chlamydia
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My dick has a subreddit
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
