The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
