How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pooping to opera.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize