The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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