Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
