ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize