Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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