He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
