People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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