I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
