do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
