I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
