yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
