Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Less talking, more tequila
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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