Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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