Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
