sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
