THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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