I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize