Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
