I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I don't deserve a penis
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
