Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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