I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
