u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
