youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
